What she didn’t know…

Growing up I was always left out of the loop. Like, there were no family meetings, no “hey, by the way” moments – unless it was to tell me something to do. I grew up in silence because, as a Parental child, it is the only way I knew how to be. While I had my moments of tantrum and anger as a child and/or teen, I was relatively the one who went along with everything. Things that, as a parent now, I would never imagine putting my children in that situation.

My parents did the best they could, and I should be grateful. I get that. There can only be so much “Woe is me” in your 20s so that once you reach your 30s, you’re basically defining who you are so that by the time you reach your 40s, you can live at your prime and get your 2nd chance at life. Travel more, see more of the world (hopefully without a mask on), make memories and create a sacred home filled with love – endless love. However, at what point do I get to talk about how much SO much fucked me up mentally to where now, as an adult, I realize SO many foundational pieces I missed out on learning growing up?

It just amazes me how much now, as an adult, I have learned about how much I didn’t know. Perhaps my parents were protecting me by not sharing things with me. Maybe they wanted to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and not inconvenience me. Whatever the case, the critical moments of my life that were foundational to my future were missed.

Now, as a mom and wife, I strive daily to ensure I don’t miss out on those foundational moments with my children. Like how I work daily to teach my children of the future by exemplifying an intellectual conversation without yelling and arguing – sometimes.

Evolving as a woman during this self-discovery phase feels revitalizing. I feel like I sweat less over the drama. I choose my battles and opt out of the bullshit. It’s amazing how as we age, the bullshit becomes less enticing. I am happy for this time because while it has felt like a vicious cycle, it has set me up to actually enjoy the remainder of my life the way I deserve to best.

Peace for all…

This might get me in trouble…

Sometimes I get fed up. Like 150% ready to walk out type fed up. Marriage is hard. They don’t tell you about the un-death until you part, good, bad, ugly, all that… It’s rough! My patience runs thin. I wonder why things are being done the way they are. My OCD kicks in to overdrive, ugh the questions that develop in my anxiety mind are plenty…

My husband and I are night and day. I’m the social butterfly who wants to party every weekend, hit the beach somewhere in there, and work hard during the week. I want to take adventures with my kids and hubby, explore the world and live it up; lol, while that sounds super fun, I am also super responsible and a classic housewife when it comes to my cleaning and cooking skills.

My husband is an introvert, often times difficult to understand, a strong Cuban man (personality emphasized here) from Miami who believes that he is RIGHT 1143598749857% of the time. Despite popular belief, his ego serves him well. He is a fucking genius. My husband is an Engineer for Microsoft and I love to brag about it. A man who came to the USA from Cuba when he was 12 years old with only the clothes on his back. He knows struggle and sufferance more than anyone I have ever known. He fears nothing due to the hardships both he and his extended family endured living through Cuban exile. He knows what it means to, “start from scratch”. I believe that’s why we have relentlessly persevered through everything we have gone through in our marriage, because he is amazing at bringing me back to my center and reminding me of my value, my worth. He uses his strength from his losses to help others, he is selfless and he is my husband. I have loved this man since 2004 and I continue loving him. I don’t always agree with him, but I know he’s got my back like no one ever has. I am forever grateful for that, but I am also entitled to my tantrums!

Super traditional, I agree things should be shared and compromised to ensure fairness and inclusion within a marriage. My personality has modernized with age though, and I believe in efficiency. It could be something that small, like why I cannot understand why my husband does things a certain way when I know how to do it in a more efficient manner?! You see? My OCD kicking in…

As I approach 36, I learn more and more about the importance of picking your battles. During such an unprecedented time, I know better than to linger in that sorrow of constantly fighting with your spouse just to fight with them. THAT gets old! Marriage can burn you out AND bring out the best in you at the same time. I have seen it do both within the almost 14 years I have been in my marriage.

I love my husband. He is a pain in my butt, but I love him. We bring out the best in each other. We both had a rough upbringing and had to learn a lot at a very young age without the ability to really have a voice until we became adults. We know what it’s like to be put last for everything, carry the load of your family to ensure that your parents are able to work, the works… It has made us into this power couple, we feed off each other’s energies. Now, we work hard to share the life we have always wanted.

But, he just irks me sometimes! RANT OVER… 🙂