What she didn’t know…

Growing up I was always left out of the loop. Like, there were no family meetings, no “hey, by the way” moments – unless it was to tell me something to do. I grew up in silence because, as a Parental child, it is the only way I knew how to be. While I had my moments of tantrum and anger as a child and/or teen, I was relatively the one who went along with everything. Things that, as a parent now, I would never imagine putting my children in that situation.

My parents did the best they could, and I should be grateful. I get that. There can only be so much “Woe is me” in your 20s so that once you reach your 30s, you’re basically defining who you are so that by the time you reach your 40s, you can live at your prime and get your 2nd chance at life. Travel more, see more of the world (hopefully without a mask on), make memories and create a sacred home filled with love – endless love. However, at what point do I get to talk about how much SO much fucked me up mentally to where now, as an adult, I realize SO many foundational pieces I missed out on learning growing up?

It just amazes me how much now, as an adult, I have learned about how much I didn’t know. Perhaps my parents were protecting me by not sharing things with me. Maybe they wanted to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and not inconvenience me. Whatever the case, the critical moments of my life that were foundational to my future were missed.

Now, as a mom and wife, I strive daily to ensure I don’t miss out on those foundational moments with my children. Like how I work daily to teach my children of the future by exemplifying an intellectual conversation without yelling and arguing – sometimes.

Evolving as a woman during this self-discovery phase feels revitalizing. I feel like I sweat less over the drama. I choose my battles and opt out of the bullshit. It’s amazing how as we age, the bullshit becomes less enticing. I am happy for this time because while it has felt like a vicious cycle, it has set me up to actually enjoy the remainder of my life the way I deserve to best.

Peace for all…

This might get me in trouble…

Sometimes I get fed up. Like 150% ready to walk out type fed up. Marriage is hard. They don’t tell you about the un-death until you part, good, bad, ugly, all that… It’s rough! My patience runs thin. I wonder why things are being done the way they are. My OCD kicks in to overdrive, ugh the questions that develop in my anxiety mind are plenty…

My husband and I are night and day. I’m the social butterfly who wants to party every weekend, hit the beach somewhere in there, and work hard during the week. I want to take adventures with my kids and hubby, explore the world and live it up; lol, while that sounds super fun, I am also super responsible and a classic housewife when it comes to my cleaning and cooking skills.

My husband is an introvert, often times difficult to understand, a strong Cuban man (personality emphasized here) from Miami who believes that he is RIGHT 1143598749857% of the time. Despite popular belief, his ego serves him well. He is a fucking genius. My husband is an Engineer for Microsoft and I love to brag about it. A man who came to the USA from Cuba when he was 12 years old with only the clothes on his back. He knows struggle and sufferance more than anyone I have ever known. He fears nothing due to the hardships both he and his extended family endured living through Cuban exile. He knows what it means to, “start from scratch”. I believe that’s why we have relentlessly persevered through everything we have gone through in our marriage, because he is amazing at bringing me back to my center and reminding me of my value, my worth. He uses his strength from his losses to help others, he is selfless and he is my husband. I have loved this man since 2004 and I continue loving him. I don’t always agree with him, but I know he’s got my back like no one ever has. I am forever grateful for that, but I am also entitled to my tantrums!

Super traditional, I agree things should be shared and compromised to ensure fairness and inclusion within a marriage. My personality has modernized with age though, and I believe in efficiency. It could be something that small, like why I cannot understand why my husband does things a certain way when I know how to do it in a more efficient manner?! You see? My OCD kicking in…

As I approach 36, I learn more and more about the importance of picking your battles. During such an unprecedented time, I know better than to linger in that sorrow of constantly fighting with your spouse just to fight with them. THAT gets old! Marriage can burn you out AND bring out the best in you at the same time. I have seen it do both within the almost 14 years I have been in my marriage.

I love my husband. He is a pain in my butt, but I love him. We bring out the best in each other. We both had a rough upbringing and had to learn a lot at a very young age without the ability to really have a voice until we became adults. We know what it’s like to be put last for everything, carry the load of your family to ensure that your parents are able to work, the works… It has made us into this power couple, we feed off each other’s energies. Now, we work hard to share the life we have always wanted.

But, he just irks me sometimes! RANT OVER… 🙂

Jay’s Red Salsa

My husband and I enjoy most of our time together cooking in the kitchen. Making Salsa for us is a Saturday hangout treasure. We make drinks and we just relax while cutting up fresh ingredients and spending time together. I wanted to share this deliciousness with my followers so here you go…

First: Set oven to Broil at High/~500 degrees

Ingredients:

◦ 1 cilantro bunch

◦ 6 Garlic cloves

◦ 1 Green pepper

◦ 1/2 Red pepper

◦ 2 Jalapeños (adjust heat to your liking)

◦ 2 Red Onions 🧅

◦ 6 Tomatoes 🍅

◦ 1 tsp kosher salt 🧂

◦ Salt and pepper to taste

◦ 1/4 cup lemon 🍋 juice

Steps:

◦ Get all ingredients except Cilantro, Salt and Lemon Juice

◦ Place on a cookie sheet(s) on the top rack of your oven so they can cook until charred (7-10 minutes)

◦ Using a food processor or blender, add cilantro, lime juice, charred vegetables and blend to the consistency of your choice

◦ Add salt and pepper while blending to flavor your salsa accordingly

◦ Chill your salsa in Mason jars for a minimum of 2-4 hours so all the flavors can merry!

◦ Enjoy!

Growing up…

I have learned a lot throughout the course of this depression battle for the past few months. I learned more about myself though mostly. One particular harsh reality was how much I am like my parents. The distribution of these qualities during development was unfair for me as the middle child. I got the best qualities, which I love, but I also got the worst qualities, which I hate. Despite the reasons, I think it’s important to take it all and manifest it into what you want – so, that’s what I’ve been doing my entire adult life.

Seriously though, after experiencing 2 cross country moves in less than 6 months, the worst job experience of my career, a business deal gone bad, my children experiencing change and the ultimate pandemic coronavirus situation, and more ever since my years as a Parental child/teenager. Aside from your typical financial impacts as a result and starting from scratch again, it’s a tough pill to swallow. The level of defeat was underestimated. Dramatic rant over.

Now that I’m working again, it’s my 2nd week at my new job (excited), I’m starting to get back into old but good habits. I am using my planner again, setting alarms and getting runs in, making a to-do list and adding chore responsibilities to my boys to balance OUR soon-to-be-school/work/life schedule, the works. Hubby and I make a weekly meal plan of our favorites, and then I try to cook it with the least amount of butter and healthy fats for oils. In our attempt to kind of rebirth our family during this overcoming period, we are also trying to eat healthier.

This is all growth for me. I feel maturity has worked in my advantage during this time and now permanently. I have noticed that things I once worried and overthought about no longer exist. I feel the most empowered to spread my voice and go back to that young writer who aspired to change the world and help as many people as she can.

Even as a working mom and chairwoman for the local school district, I’ve noticed my patience level increase. Any mom or parent alike could agree that for about the first 10 years of your child’s life, your anxiety levels are through the roof – no secrets here! Let alone raising a child during today’s current events, my “hat” goes off to all parents now more than ever. I feel a sense of relief as my boys morph into their own personalities and personas.

We all must grow to see the other side, the side you only hear about on someone’s social media reel, story or LinkedIn featured. I say it because I do it myself. But it can be like that sometimes?! Manifest your own Destiny. No matter how dark the shit is you go through, remember there’s always a blank canvas waiting to be dusted off that resides in each one of us – theoretically speaking. Another chance. A new start. Fresh beginnings. Never give up.

Buenas Noches…

Tiffany Elise, who is she?

I’m here to share my story. To give hope to finding a new perspective on the hurt and pain I have endured throughout my life. To share my story and hopefully help another human, like me, who can relate.

Who does she think she is?

  • A selfless giver, endless lover, receptive to compassionate, resistant to judgment. A mother, a wife, an advocate. I want to share my story with the world in hopes that my experiences help others.
  • An aspiring world changer with hopes of earning my path into an elected office one day.

I was always put last. The one who didn’t matter. The one who did all the work growing up. The middle child. The one who is just being dramatic. I am a Libra but dang! The one always “left out” of that group text, despite the efforts I make. I love my people “something fierce”. Ok, as a boy mom millennial getting close to 36, I wanted to sound like a “cool mom”. But I just don’t care anymore about what people think. For so long, I bit my tongue and as a writer – why should I?! It’s taken therapy and self care to realize the things that can help even you with personal growth.

By the way,

  • In 1995, I won a writing contest to console the victims and families of the bombing massacre, which also won me a trip to address the community at Moon Middle School in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. I had a voice then and I still have it, or at least I think I do.
  • I’ve been through a lot in my life and I literally want to hug that person who can relate just on that fact above me alone. I’m living in this Pandemic and honestly, everyone deserves a hug. Some days are rough, and I’ve got a lot to say.
  • Let’s connect even if you can’t relate, or if you just wanna share the love and spread my voice. I currently serve as a Legislative Chair on my Children’s PTA board with the passion to advocate for the families who need a voice. I graduated from 1 of the top 5 Universities as a First-Generation college graduate with a Master’s degree in Healthcare IT. As a minority parental child to my sis, I missed out on a lot in my adolescence. I know my mom isn’t proud of it, but it scarred me for life. This blog will embrace the dark times for the lessons learned, as well as the good times for the memories gained.
  • If you just stopped by to check me out, hey, what’s up?! Before you go, I hope you always live your best life. Write your truth. Buy that shirt (online please because COVID) lol. Book that trip (in the future to be safe). You get my drift. Just do you boo, and show me your ways because I’m still learning every single day.
  • #writing #parenting #zerotohero

Thank you for listening.