some days…

Some days are meant to be appreciated for the simple fact that we made it through – y estamos vivos ~ we’re alive! Some days are so tough that they require all our energy. Some days are super long and they drag. Today was one of those days. We’re currently caregiving for my husband’s grandparents. One of said grandparents is suffering from the C word, Cancer. It is never easy to hear let alone accept a Cancer diagnosis no matter who it is.

My heart breaks for my husband. The moment he arrived to this country at the ripe age of 13, he immediately began paving his path for success. He had a dream and has accomplished his goals and maintained success. That shouldn’t be taken away from him. It is never easy to be the only one in the family who gives a shit. You set higher standards and you make shit happen – that’s how you avoid the generational curse. Break the cycle, be the difference. I am forever grateful for how much he has taught me.

Homeschooling two teenage boys in middle school comes with plenty of drama. It has been difficult to navigate virtual school due to COVID-19. We hoped it’d be over by now, but so did everyone else in 2020. I feel like I have another full-time job as a homeschool mom, but I’d rather be a homeschool mom than an elderly caregiver (honesty is the best policy)! Managing 6-7 classes per kid makes me feel like I am in high school again, writing notes on the white board for the Teacher so that she didn’t have to even get up from her seat. Dearest Ms. Cunningham, she was one of those teachers who leaves a footprint on your heart. I found out through one of my high school colleagues that she passed away peacefully. I must admit, I was a Teacher’s Pet!

Some days are meant to be ended with a glass of vino.

Stopped writing, walked to fridge, grabbed a glass of Riesling!

Back to regularly scheduled programming… I come on here to vent and express myself in the form that serves me best. I have written since I was a child, literally. Google Tiffany Oklahoma City Bombing and watch the infamous YouTube video if you dare, lol. Not terrible, just never was a fan of my teeth until I got braces!

Point is, many of us struggle with mental illness daily. Many of us also suppress because it’s the only way we have ever known how to mitigate our emotions. Never did I learn how timing is everything and the importance of an outlet. You need to do something, preferably healthy, every single day or as much as you can to release the tension and stress that comes from everyday life. Perseverance and resilience can be achieved by finding this healthy method among other ways. Over time, progress not perfection becomes second nature. Find something you love doing that has positive return on investment, and do that thing as much as you want.

Cheers amigos!

Growing up…

I have learned a lot throughout the course of this depression battle for the past few months. I learned more about myself though mostly. One particular harsh reality was how much I am like my parents. The distribution of these qualities during development was unfair for me as the middle child. I got the best qualities, which I love, but I also got the worst qualities, which I hate. Despite the reasons, I think it’s important to take it all and manifest it into what you want – so, that’s what I’ve been doing my entire adult life.

Seriously though, after experiencing 2 cross country moves in less than 6 months, the worst job experience of my career, a business deal gone bad, my children experiencing change and the ultimate pandemic coronavirus situation, and more ever since my years as a Parental child/teenager. Aside from your typical financial impacts as a result and starting from scratch again, it’s a tough pill to swallow. The level of defeat was underestimated. Dramatic rant over.

Now that I’m working again, it’s my 2nd week at my new job (excited), I’m starting to get back into old but good habits. I am using my planner again, setting alarms and getting runs in, making a to-do list and adding chore responsibilities to my boys to balance OUR soon-to-be-school/work/life schedule, the works. Hubby and I make a weekly meal plan of our favorites, and then I try to cook it with the least amount of butter and healthy fats for oils. In our attempt to kind of rebirth our family during this overcoming period, we are also trying to eat healthier.

This is all growth for me. I feel maturity has worked in my advantage during this time and now permanently. I have noticed that things I once worried and overthought about no longer exist. I feel the most empowered to spread my voice and go back to that young writer who aspired to change the world and help as many people as she can.

Even as a working mom and chairwoman for the local school district, I’ve noticed my patience level increase. Any mom or parent alike could agree that for about the first 10 years of your child’s life, your anxiety levels are through the roof – no secrets here! Let alone raising a child during today’s current events, my “hat” goes off to all parents now more than ever. I feel a sense of relief as my boys morph into their own personalities and personas.

We all must grow to see the other side, the side you only hear about on someone’s social media reel, story or LinkedIn featured. I say it because I do it myself. But it can be like that sometimes?! Manifest your own Destiny. No matter how dark the shit is you go through, remember there’s always a blank canvas waiting to be dusted off that resides in each one of us – theoretically speaking. Another chance. A new start. Fresh beginnings. Never give up.

Buenas Noches…