New job

I found it guys, I found a job I actually love! You know, that job you wake up everyday looking forward to give more of yourself to, create, innovate, and process improve the shit out of EVERYTHING. Whoa there Tiger, yes I know, it is MY OCD and impulsivities for which I am currently ironing out via therapy. I could have deleted it, but this is ME.

What else have I been up to? Well, regardless of how much I have going on, my life attracts chaos. There, I said it. A day with calm and peace just isn’t my style. Why not create just one headache in a 24-hour period, or more?! It’s all good though. I am really getting good at living with a chronic illness tbh – my attitude has changed (I think).

REACT vs. Be PROACTIVE?

So, a piece of advice my leader taught me when I worked as a Cast Member for Walt Disney World was how much better it was to be proactive versus reactive. Throughout my life, I have been known for my reactions to things. I can tell because there is always this overly dramatic experience that really just could have been avoided all together, aka a tantrum. This is something I have learned recently about myself. In Therapy, I have been learning a lot about myself, who I am, inside and out, and why I do the things I do. My passion, often misperceived, is derived from never being heard as a child. I had to learn how important it was to work on that specific detail versus involve and/or hurt people I care about. No need to repeat the cycle, my kids don’t need to go through what I did. Much love to my Parents, they did the best they could at that time.

Anyway – this new job has woken me up! I ‘feel myself’ again! The decisions I make daily as a Project Manager feel so much better at this job. My previous job had so much red tape, and as a Project Manager that can feel suffocating! No puns to my former employers as I have become who I am today because of those experiences. I just know what I deserve and I finally feel like I am at a good place for now. This is also a good organization to build the kind of experience needed to ultimately become the Executive I want to be! You should always aspire to do what YOU have always wanted to do, it is possible – just do it!

Being unemployed for over a year, courtesy of the pandemic, helped me realize a lot about my life and where I see myself in the future. I want to succeed and LIVE MY BEST LIFE, but I also want my children to have the BEST future once I am gone. That’s growth, right? I have come to terms with my lifespan notation as a chronic illness warrior, I can handle the reality now.

Anyway, so I’ve been too busy working to write on my blog – shame on me when I have SO much to share. I have, however, kept up with my Instagram page. If you are feeling any sort of word vibes, head over to my page.

I want to share my story on video. Any amazing video creators out there? I do feel like we, who feel the need to empower and be empowered, should do so without limitation. This life is short. Our goals are ours. We either conquer them or continue keeping them as thoughts. The time is now. After the year our nation has had it, we owe it to our future. Why not, right?!

Thank you for listening. I promise I’m back, but I am ready for so much more.

mom of teens

As if learning to not care about what others think about you wasn’t stressful enough, add being a mom to 2 teenagers. I worry about what my kids think of me because I want to be a cool mom! I want to be that companion they can go to whenever and wherever. I want to support and encourage their every endeavor, foster every change. As my children grow, I feel like the timer speeds up on how much longer they have until they’re adults – makes me super emo tbh!

Becoming a mom was not completely new to me. As a parental child, I was taught to mother based on how my own mother parents. I memorized the good things and the good of the bad things, and left what I did not want to even exist in my home. Let’s say, elimination was vast majority, so there I was learning new things. Learning how to parent, have patience, not beat myself up because I fell asleep while feeding, etc. all of this was totally new for me. I went through postpartum depression with both my children. I could not convince myself to believe that I would be a good mom given my upbringing. A mental mind f&*^ as per usual, get out of your thoughts Tiff!

I remember being embarrassed in my marriage because I didn’t know if my husband was going to leave me if:

  • I allowed my mental health to control me instead of taking this opportunity to focus on our new babies
  • Couldn’t cut it without making the same mistakes my parents made
  • Ultimately failing my husband (in this order)

Distorted thinking. Hush, quiet, into the vault you go because none of those thoughts are true, accurate and valid. Speaking of distorted thoughts, for which I still have, I am super grateful for my therapist because she is providing me tools that are working for me, and this is a first (I just entered my late 30s). I never had much luck with therapy, antidepressants, sleep medication, stimulants, even though my doctor’s kept throwing that shit at me like candy because of childhood trauma.

My Family, Fall 2020

What’s beautiful about my boys is how they show me unconditional and love. My younger son has this habit of randomly approaching me and saying, “You know what you need? A good luck hug”. His hugs and that embrace is something that renews my energy – it motivates me. Some days are tough being a mom and his hugs always arrive at just the right moment.

My older son keeps tabs on me. He’s not much of a talker, but he always knows where I am. If he doesn’t, he will find out. He’s an old soul. Eager to learn yet subtle in his approach. He prefers habit, minimal change and staying home playing video gams.

As parents, we beat ourselves up constantly thinking about how we can be the perfect parent. That’s not real life, so please stop doing it if you do. Life is messy, including the good, bad and the ugly. Everyday we wake up is another opportunity for progress not perfection. One thing I promised myself I would never do was give up on my children. I never want them to feel abandoned.

Moms of Teens, Parents of Teens, Dads of Teens, Guardians and Grandparents of Teens, we’re in this together. The teenage phase of Parenting requires the utmost patience. Remember when I spoke about Patience earlier, yeah – I have none. I learned through trial and trial and error and error, lol. Word to the wise, don’t take the things they say and/or do seriously. In 5 minutes, they’ll be looking for you wondering what’s for dinner. I promise. I’m convinced that during the teenage years, their short term memory is almost nonexistent, just kidding. Selective hearing though IS a thing, and it’s super annoying!

Rant over, good night amigos/amigas!

Letter to my Son excerpt…

Yesterday, my first born son turned 13 years old. It was such a good time shared between the four of us. Though this was now how we planned on spending it quarantined, it was awesome to just get out of our respective offices and be together – in the moment. I love my boys. I have a unique relationship with my first born son. My son understands me at my worst and, often times, helps redirect me. My son has literally told me before, “mom, it’s not a big deal”, and I’ve looked right at him and let a huge sigh out before I replied, “you’re right, it’s not”. I am not ashamed to admit this because as a mother, I worry a lot. Heck, as a Parent – we all worry!

May you always know how much I love you. I was told I would never get pregnant because of how many women issues I had. You are a blessing to my life, both my babies are. I love you so much, and I am grateful for you because you have made me a better woman, a better friend and a better wife to your dad. I never realized how much #mentalhealth stuff I needed to sort out before having kids. No matter how you plan life, life has its own plan. I’m relieved it happened that way, because through raising you I have identified the areas I want to work on myself.

You cut veggies like a Champ! When I’m cooking dinner, I always appreciate how much I can count on you if my veggies are still whole. When your birthday needs help leveling up in his video game or cooking his own food, you opt to come right away and help him out. Your leadership is evident and I am so proud of you and love the bond you and your brother share.

Now that you’re 13, an official QuaranTEEN, I admit that I am nervous. Society is so different compared to when I was growing up, add a Pandemic and Homeschool to that. I have faith that you will do amazing this school year. You will always have a path for you to accomplish your goals and live your best life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being so good to me. I love you and I am grateful for you as a blessing of 2.

Happy 13th Birthday to my baby boy, I love you today, forever and always.

Growing up…

I have learned a lot throughout the course of this depression battle for the past few months. I learned more about myself though mostly. One particular harsh reality was how much I am like my parents. The distribution of these qualities during development was unfair for me as the middle child. I got the best qualities, which I love, but I also got the worst qualities, which I hate. Despite the reasons, I think it’s important to take it all and manifest it into what you want – so, that’s what I’ve been doing my entire adult life.

Seriously though, after experiencing 2 cross country moves in less than 6 months, the worst job experience of my career, a business deal gone bad, my children experiencing change and the ultimate pandemic coronavirus situation, and more ever since my years as a Parental child/teenager. Aside from your typical financial impacts as a result and starting from scratch again, it’s a tough pill to swallow. The level of defeat was underestimated. Dramatic rant over.

Now that I’m working again, it’s my 2nd week at my new job (excited), I’m starting to get back into old but good habits. I am using my planner again, setting alarms and getting runs in, making a to-do list and adding chore responsibilities to my boys to balance OUR soon-to-be-school/work/life schedule, the works. Hubby and I make a weekly meal plan of our favorites, and then I try to cook it with the least amount of butter and healthy fats for oils. In our attempt to kind of rebirth our family during this overcoming period, we are also trying to eat healthier.

This is all growth for me. I feel maturity has worked in my advantage during this time and now permanently. I have noticed that things I once worried and overthought about no longer exist. I feel the most empowered to spread my voice and go back to that young writer who aspired to change the world and help as many people as she can.

Even as a working mom and chairwoman for the local school district, I’ve noticed my patience level increase. Any mom or parent alike could agree that for about the first 10 years of your child’s life, your anxiety levels are through the roof – no secrets here! Let alone raising a child during today’s current events, my “hat” goes off to all parents now more than ever. I feel a sense of relief as my boys morph into their own personalities and personas.

We all must grow to see the other side, the side you only hear about on someone’s social media reel, story or LinkedIn featured. I say it because I do it myself. But it can be like that sometimes?! Manifest your own Destiny. No matter how dark the shit is you go through, remember there’s always a blank canvas waiting to be dusted off that resides in each one of us – theoretically speaking. Another chance. A new start. Fresh beginnings. Never give up.

Buenas Noches…